Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)

I'm a random book shopper.
On Tuesday afternoon, during my lunch break, I strolled over to Barnes & Noble book store (18th Street & 5th Avenue) and turned my "law of attraction" switch on. Walking around the store aimlessly, I came across the "General Psychology" section and noticed "Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)," by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson. In light of the many political scandals, celebrity affairs [aka "Tiger Factor"] and fall-from-fames, this book seemed particularly relevant. Additionally, since I'm in the business of public relations and crisis communications is something we encounter and consult our clients on, I wanted to further understand (on a psychological level) "self-deception - how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it."

Only 30 pages into the book, I picked up on a great tactic used (as an example) by Benjamin Franklin to win over someone who simply disliked him:

"...While serving in the Pennsylvania legislature, Franklin was disturbed by the opposition and animosity of a fellow legislator. So he set out to win him over. He didn't do it, he wrote, by "paying any servile respect to him" - that is, by doing the other man a favor - but by inducing his target to do a favor for him - loaning him a rare book from his library:"

He sent it immediately and I returned it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favor. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death. This is another instance of the truth of an old maxim I had learned, which says, "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged."

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What a powerful, yet simple tactic to alter another's attitude and beliefs. Try it out, ask your enemy (opponent) for a favor. By reaching out and asking a favor, you're essentially instilling trust and respect in them. In turn, they may end up trusting and respecting you.